This was the question posed to me on Tuesday night last week.
I had messaged my beloved Pro-Trainer, the amazing Andrea Thatcher to enlist myself in her services to help ME lose 10 pounds of “jiggle”.
This past year, I decided to change up my diet and add carbohydrates back into my diet – after joining and reading the Eat to Perform forums and website. I’ve talked about this in previous posts. I felt that I had hit a plateau in my own training. I just couldn’t seem to increase my strength anymore. I was tired and sluggish… and voila! This really got me over the hump. But as I mentioned… I added a nice soft little layer of jiggle.
I’m not gonna lie… its bothered me a lot. My summer clothes were not fitting – I was no longer wanting to sport a two-piece last summer and these past couple months… I’ve been a bit – or maybe some days – a LOT – insecure about being a personal trainer – and “not looking the part”.
The thing is – my goal the past while has been to be as fit as I can be… I want to pound out the anaerobic intervals and lift heavier and heavier – it hasn’t been about aesthetics at all the past year. All about performance.
I also know what it will take to “lean up” a bit. The wine needs to be cut way back… the chocolate needs to be cut way back… dipping into the nuts and peanut butter needs to be cut back, etc. etc. The thing is – I eat clean (well wine is pretty clean – lol…) but its the portions that need to be cut back.
I had someone recently say to me, that I didn’t truly understand what it meant to be overweight because even at my “heaviest”, I wasn’t really that overweight. That my 10 pounds were “vanity weight”. I kind of pondered that a bit and while I understood what this person was saying, I still thought… we all have our “shit” and mine might be “vanity weight” – they are still making me feel insecure.
So this gets me right back to the question posed to me by Andrea last week… I said to her, “What the F*!@, I’m a trainer and I can’t buckle down to lose 10 damn pounds! I feel like all my hard work in the gym is covered under fat and that means no one can see how “fit” I am and that reflects poorly on me as a trainer. Why would clients want ME to help them – when I can’t do it myself?”.
WHOA – hold the phone!
Andrea: So basically, you are attaching your self-worth to 10 pounds?
Andrea: I would love to help you but there is no way in hell I’m taking your money if you are attaching your self-worth to 10 pounds. I can give you the best, most “awesomest” workouts and the best nutrition plan there is. But if you are telling me right now – which is exactly what I’m hearing – that you are attaching your self-worth to 10 pounds, then I won’t let you hire me.
Andrea: I will call you out on your shit all the time. AND SO… you can either THANK the Universe for giving you all that you have and use YOUR battles to relate and SHARE with your clients – or you can be a f*&#ing hypocrite.
Me: well… that’s one way to put it.
Andrea: So I’m gonna give you some time to think about that and before I LET YOU hire me for those 10 pounds – you need to give me some damn good solid reasons for wanting to lose them.
Me: (trying desperately not to break down into full out balling mess in a tiny voice) Ok, Andrea… thank you, thank you, thank you – I love you!
Andrea: Now here is the question… Are you going to do this through dedication or discipline? Because, if you feel you need to be “disciplined”, its not going to work. You aren’t “disciplined” with your children, or your work, or your husband… you are “dedicated”. There is a HUGE difference. You cannot succeed until you are ready to be completely dedicated.
Me: Wow, I have NEVER thought about it that way.
Oh and then we started talking about all sorts of other fun stuff.
And THAT is why we all need mentors.
So with that… I have decided to be THANKFUL to my Universe for providing me with this battle so that I can SHARE my struggles with my OWN clients – so that I know exactly how they feel when they come to me and say, “Oh my god Olivia, I ate like crap all week and I only got one workout in!”. I can respond with, “You know… I had a pretty awful week of eating too – chocolate for breakfast (but it had pumpkin seeds!)…”. And then, we share some ways in which we can BOTH be accountable for a new week ahead. I’m human and I’d rather be completely transparent and relate-able, than a “f$*%ing hypocrite”.