“Hau’oli Makahiki Hou!”.
Our family decided to “skip” the Christmas festivities and spend almost the entire duration of the school break in Hawaii. Oh do I feel blessed! My heart belongs in Hawaii – its my most favourite place on Earth and one day, I plan on living there! Heck, I was contemplating just becoming a trainer there – teaching pool aerobics like the very tanned 65-year-old lady we splashed around with where we stayed!
I thought it might be fitting to tie in a New Year’s rambling with my Hawaiian experience as I had challenges from start to finish.
I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions as they don’t seem to stand for very long. However, I’m always about setting new personal goals and bests and using the start of the year for a re-fresh and re-assessment of what you want to work on personally. Hawaii was definitely a good place to realize that I am light-years away from reaching a lot of my goals still. The biggest one being body-confidence.
With the Canadian dollar being so low, we opted for more beach and pool time this time around… our one big adventure was Zip Lining – sooo much fun! We did a lot of walking, hiking, swimming, etc. There was a fairly decent gym at our complex – so I hit that all but two days. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had only gained three pounds while I was away! We also ate all but 4 out of 16 dinners “at home”. I brought my good old Quest Bars with me, stuck to wine for my drink of choice (I did have 4 margaritas over the duration – I know I know – its Hawaii, not Mexico – but I love me some tequila!). We packed our own lunches to the beach etc. So, all in all, we did a good job of staying on track with that.
The problems for me came in with my body insecurities. I found this strange however. The beaches that we frequented were packed with people. ALLLLLLL kinds of people. I had commented on my personal Facebook page to friends and family that I had a whole new vision of thongs at the beach! There were women (and men) all around me who appeared to not give a f**k! In one thought I was thinking, “Wow, good for them for being so comfortable an confident!”… but then I was thinking, “How the f**k can then be so confident looking like that in a [insert various revealing or pretty much next to nothing beach attire]”?? I like to think that I am not a judgmental person – but I would seriously be lying if I said I didn’t judge… In my opinion no one’s arse belongs in a thong at a “family” beach… although, I think my husband and father-in-law were certainly enjoying some of the scenery.
So there I was, in my one-piece, feeling so uncomfortable every time I got up to go into the water – thinking that the ENTIRE population was watching my butt jiggle its way into the ocean, feeling as if I wanted to shrink and hide inside one of the tiny sea-shells that my daughter had found. But why??? Were other women (and men) feeling that way (except my mother-in-law who admitted she did). I’m sure that 80% of the women definitely felt that way, but it seemed that there was a portion who definitely looked relaxed at secure and truly did not give a F**k.
The six months leading up to our trip I kept thinking – “OK! Time to get these 10 pounds off for Hawaii!”, four months, “OK! Still have LOTS of time to tighten up the diet”, 2 months, “hmmmm… I should start to look at buying some swimsuits – but gotta lose those 10 pounds to expose my abs – so I shall wait!”, one month, “OK – seriously Olivia! 4 weeks – YOU CAN DO IT!!! – oh but nah…”. Sound familiar? So, I ordered one one-piece.
Interesting thing, one of my besties was over on Oahu at a different resort on the west side of the Island. We Skyped one night and I said, “uh… so most people are chunky here – there are not many fit bodies on the beach… why do I feel so insecure?”. Then she said, “Oh, just the opposite here – I’ve never seen so many tight bodies on vacation in my life!!” She then said that she looked up the housing prices there and the demographics and it was a very “ritzy” area. Sheesh – so I’m on the fat beach and she’s at the rich, fit people beach… well, I’d rather be at my beach…
SEE???? OH EM GEEEEE!!!! What is that???? Why am I having these thoughts? My ENTIRE mantra is to be empowering women!!!! To feel strong, and confident, and beautiful no matter what their size or shape in the state that it is in NOW – not in 10 pounds less than from now – not to let it take over all the thoughts about your holiday – even obsess because I had no scale to check-in with… and CERTAINLY NOT to let my two daughters see my insecurity and have them feel insecure about themselves. My youngest daughter was commenting about her tummy rolls… there I was lecturing her about being confident and feeling beautiful no matter what. HOLY HECK!!! What a hypocrite of a mother!!!
So, here I am at the beginning of 2016! I’m getting ready to take on a whole new adventure training clients in my VERY OWN studio and to start back with my crazy-amazing bootcamp ladies! This year is the year that I will focus on goals such as:
- increasing my PRs on my squat, deadlift and bench press
- getting back to running (a little bit – heh – not over board)
- increasing my endurance training
- reading 8 personal growth books
- reading for pleasure every night before bed
- growing my personal training business
- EMPOWERING MYSELF FOR REAL and shadowing that to all of my amazing women who I look at each and every day and see such amazing, beautiful people!!!
All I can say, is this is me, once again coming clean. I’m a personal trainer, coach, nutrition coach, bootcamp instructor, friend, wife and mom. I’m real and human. I’m not perfect – but I know my weaknesses and I will continue to bust my butt this year to get stronger physically, mentally and emotionally!
Most of all – I hope to take (and continue) with many of you on the very same journeys!!!