Ever notice how things go in threes? What can I say, I’ve always been a bit superstitious. I blame it on my Grandma and Mom. Don’t whistle in the house… it calls the devil! Don’t touch the (I forget what they were – some sort of sculpture) – or you will get pregnant! haha!
Ok – time to get serious, because this is serious – and it pulled on my heart-strings very hard – three times this week.
By now, if you have been following me or have trained with me or know me – you know my mantra and the one main lesson I try to teach women who work with me. Self-love. What a task… its something that takes days, weeks, months, years, decades of practice.
This week, my youngest daughter had a rough week with dance. She is at a new studio this year, new group of girls, new instructor, new surroundings and expectations. So far, things have been wonderful, but competition season is approaching and things are getting hard. For my daughter, if things get hard and she can’t “get it” right away, she shuts down. She calls herself down, says she can’t do it, its too hard, cries and gets frustrated. We had a lot of talks this week as well as a meeting with her dance instructor, to whom I was very grateful for as she re-iterated these very same things that I am about to say.
We all have strengths, we all have weaknesses. Something that comes easy to person A might seem almost impossible to person B and vice versa. However, rather than continually tell yourself that you are not good at whatever task it is at hand, you MUST re-structure your thoughts. If you are constantly and repeatedly telling yourself that you are bad at something or can’t do something – it has been proven time and time again – that you will train your brain to actually believe that you cannot accomplish the task.
So, as my daughter’s dance teacher said, rather than say, “I suck at choreography”, tell yourself, “Choreography is difficult for me, however, not impossible. These are the things I can do to work on it to help it become easier.”
A couple days later, one of my clients posted in our private Facebook group, “I quit, just like I knew I would.” My heart sank. This client is so special to me. She is one of the most loving, funny, hard-working people I know. However, again, she truly does not believe in herself. She fails to see all of her strengths and she gives every last little piece of herself away to everyone and everything around her so that not much is left for her. When I first started with her, she told me, “I quit everything, I’m NOT quitting this.” But, I think deep down, she kept telling herself that she was a quitter and low and behold – she quit!
The third thing that happened just yesterday as I was running errands all over town with my eldest daughter, who happens to be the complete opposite of my little one. She has an abundance of confidence and is a figure skater. She was asking if she could skate in Calgary again this summer because she wanted to skate with her friends there. We ended up talking about her jumps and her frustration about not getting some of her double-jumps. I asked, “Why do you think you are having difficulty?” She said, “Because I suck at toe jumps.” I almost came unglued… but rather, I calmly stated, “Hunny, just the mere process of you stating that you suck at toe jumps is training your brain to believe that you can’t do them! If you keep thinking and telling yourself that you “suck” at something – your brain changes its chemical pathways to condition your body to believe it!” She looked at me – and I really could see in her eyes, that she had an “ah-ha” moment. So we came up with some thought restructuring. “Toe jumps are difficult for me, but I can do them and these are the things I need to work on in order to get them done!”
I won’t deny that I can be the queen of negative self-talk. But for some reason, whether I was born with it or given the nurturing from my parents, teachers and mentors, I have a lot of confidence. I’m fairly stubborn too! lol! Tell me I can’t and I will try a hundred times harder to prove you wrong! I know that changing our thoughts and beliefs in ourselves works but its HARD work. I believe we just everything too fast, we are too impatient. Re-training our thoughts takes long, hard, work. But I can guarantee that it will be worth it. You just have to be willing to put in the work.
This pertains to so many things. Our society is so used to looking for a quick-fix. But those quick fixes are never sustainable and almost never realistic. Commit to the work. Do it for you. When a negative thought pops into your head… tell yourself (and no I’m not kidding), “thank-you for sharing, however…”. Re-frame the thought.
You are what you believe. You can accomplish anything you want. You can also fail at anything you tell yourself. One takes a lot more work that the other. Work for it, or give up. The one common denominator is that its all in YOUR control.